Is Your Jizzum of a Suitable Purity?

Let us clarify--references to the Levite economy do not involve any (seriously) illegal operations.

The products in question are textiles, those of a medium or higher quality. Our time on the East Coast exposed us to the "wonderful world" of textile fetishism, which has carried on as our migration (short and pathetic as it was) has brought us back to the Ugly Midwest.

[Apologies to the parties involved for public airing of specific personalities...]

In our dealings, we transact with two parties: firstly, through Levi, a Mr. G. Ritzenschwual (formerly of Soviet East Germany). His products are imported mainly from those Arabic states which are not in a state of total disrepair. Secondly, through the Swedish marketer, Mr. D. Addisona. His textiles primarily emanate from Northern Europe.

Initially, our access was limited to Ritzenschwual, via Levi. As our tastes were relatively undeveloped, we were satisfied with his offerings. In our limited dealings with other sources, however, we were concerned with price disparity--it seemed we were perhaps getting "ripped off" (and there were questions regarding whether Levi was taking an excessive cut as middleman).

Roughly six months later, we gained access to Addisona's markets. This held great appeal, for--though the process of entering into this relationship was riddled with initial complications and complexities--the end result was a far greater "deal." Unfortunately, tariffs on European goods significantly limited the supply we were granted access to. Thus, we were more or less forced to remain associated with Levi's market share in order to maintain our monthly quota.

As time has passed, we have become increasingly distressed over the disparity between Ritzenschwual's prices and those of Addisona. But again, we are in a state of "textile addiction," and so must continue to suffer this imbalance for the sake of our continued "fix satisfaction."

We've tried to raise this issue in conversation with Levi (our direct contact with Ritzenschwual is strictly limited, in part thanks to Levi's determination to retain his monthly cut), but have achieved very little success in acquiring any sort of remedy. We oft wonder how long we can keep this up, especially considering the expansion of our other unrelated costs in other areas.

Currently we are designing a public petition addressed to Levi focusing on the morality of this conflict and his basic human obligation to "play fair." When it is finished, it will be announced here and elsewhere, and we kindly request that our readers lend their support by offering their signatures and dedications.

With love and cynicism,
The Looking For Levi team.